Kasol, 2013
Her brokenness followed her

Like an untamed apparition,
from lifetimes she cannot remember.
She can only feel the pain in her womb,
On her feet, thighs, back and her heart.

It is the heart that troubles her the most.
It is the hurt in the heart, the frozen wound,
the gaping wound that wakes up
at the touch of love and demands healing,
It demands presence, it demands feeling.

So she howls.

She has learnt this art pretty well now.
Griefing is a sacred process.
She catches herself on the verge of going crazy,
as early as she can and crawls into her soul room.

There,
Witnessed by the divine, she allows
the demons to come out
One by one.
She howls from her womb.
like the lone she wolf
She howls loud and clear.

Only the one who has tasted
the beauty of pain
unfreezing numb parts can fathom
how much she loves the tear
to drop.

Plop.
She settles more into it.
Feeling free.
Like a tree,
Swaying in the wind,
Whose roots reach deep
into the hot lava womb
of Mother Earth
And offers herself to burn.

She burns,
Lifetimes of abuse.
She burns,
Lifetimes of trauma.
She burns,
Lifetimes of slavery.
She burns,
Lifetimes of betrayal
She burns,
Lifetimes of inability to trust.
She burns,
Lifetimes of being a child uncared for.
She burns,
Lifetimes of staying shut.
She burns,
Lifetimes of loneliness.
She burns,
Lifetimes of hating herself.
She burns,
Lifetimes of unworthiness.
She burns,
Lifetimes of fear of expressing herself.
She burns,
Lifetimes of longing to be free.

And then
as the fire subsides,
she realises, after all of it,
she is now claiming voice
for all the lifetimes.
She is now bringing her voice,
Though in gibberish
For all the lifetimes,
She longed deeply
But could never speak.

She does not know anymore,
Why she was told not to cry
or to get distracted from her pain
She relaxes in its sweet throbbing embrace.

It is the most alive moment
that could ever happen;
Her pain is a rich, savoursome,
dynamic experience.

To Revel in Pain

4 thoughts on “To Revel in Pain

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